i feel like whenever i want to talk... it's tabboo... why can i never talk about you without feeling like i'm cheating? I'm not, and i don't want you as any more than a friend... but it feels like i'm looked at with pins and daggars whenever i mention your name in a conversation... whoever it's with...
Everyone knows my reputation, and they have a right... but it's the judging that i can't stand, and the pointing and names that i know that they call me behind my back... Whore. Slut. Cheap Bitch. The names that they call me are endless, but that's just how people see me... they see a girl who flip-flops between 2 guys, and who is open with her sexuality...
i see a troubled, torn, and confused little girl hiding behind a mask...
A little girl who has learned that the world is mean, unfair, and downright cruel to people who show their emotions, and share them all openly and honestly... I'm the little girl who hides because she doesn't know how to act like the other people... but my Annabelle does...
Annabelle's not an alter-ego that i've been living behind... she's not another voice in my head... she is the essence of what i want to be... She is who i become when i'm in the heat of the moment... when she flirts with guys, or cusses out a teacher... Courtney hides, and Annabelle comes out... ready for anything.
The only time when Annabelle isn't there, is when Matt is there, and they're alone... just being with him makes Annabelle hide... and let's the real me come out again... under the protection of Matt, Courtney isn't afraid to come out of hiding... but most of my life has been seen through Annabele's eyes for over 8 years...
When daddy went away forever, Annabelle showed up because mommy said to cheer up... Courtney hid... and now she's just figuring out the rules of this new game.
~Baby
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