ok... so... i'm finally letting myself admit that i love Him, and Matt... i don't know what i should do... because He knows that i love Matt too... but Matt doesn't know, and will NEVER know that i still love him... I just really am at a loss for words... and i'm shaking, my throat is closing up... i just really badly want a hug, from Him, but i know that he's not that wanting to talk to me right now... and i guess i deserve it... but he tells me not to love him, and i can't stop loving him... i just wish that we could go back to last night, and have me get of the net before anything happened... because it seems like that would've been a lot easier...
to stop him when we were fighting about how he's "not kawaii"... would have been so simple... but i wanted to see how far it would go... i wanted to feel that rush from him... but i guess i'll never know that feeling again... i'm just sick to my stomach, and i think that he might have done something stupid... i just want to be there with him... and hold him... and then drive away with him... away from all of our problems, away from all of the other people that would pass judgement on us... i just want to load up my car and drive away "off into the sunset" with Him at my side, MCR blaring...
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