ya... Jeff and i are no longer talking... and i am actually OK with it... i mean... I'm still going to check his blog... but that's all... no more scathing e-mails, no more hate-filled texts, and no more of this "this is the last time I'm going to contact you" crap.... i really think that I'm going to be OK with this... I was talking to Abby about him earlier in the day... and she agrees with me that he really just is toxic... i know that I'm a toxic friend to him too... so our friendship can never work... no matter how hard we try...
strangely enough... i did one of those stupid "Chinese proverb" bulletins that choke the board on myspace... and it told me to think of 2 people's names, and put them in 2 different spots... i chose Matt and Jeff...
the funny thing is that it said that Matt was the person that i love... and it said that Jeff was the person that i wanted to be friends with/have a relationship with, but it cannot work... if you ask me... that hits the nail on the head
I think that I've finally found people that really truly care about me... and i guess that I've never had that before... i mean... the friends that i had in middle skool were nice... but as soon as one of us said something that the others didn't like... we'd get into a big fight and not talk for weeks... and then we'd get sick of it, and all of a sudden start talking again... I'm still friends with only 1 of those girls... and we still don't talk that much...
When i decided to go to the "different skool" than everyone else... i was happy to get away... but i was also scared... I'd moved a lot before... so i knew all too well what it felt like to be the new kid on campus... but i was totally stretching my boundaries... I'd never met any of these people... and i went from a skool where everyone knew everyone... and every one's business... to just being another face in the wave of freshman...
i got lose really fast, and then i found Matt and Ethan... and it was nice... they spent lunch with me, outside our homeroom... and it was nice to have 2 guys all to myself... and now that i spend more time looking back on that fateful day... i remember that Matt tried to put his arm around me... but i flinched away... because i was wearing my demon brace... and i really didn't feel pretty... but Matt and Ethan carrying me down the hallway... and me blowing a kiss to Ethan, and then kissing Matt on the cheek... i guess that i never even connected those things... whatever... I'm happy with Matt... and without Jeff... and i hope that it stays like that for a while... Tracy and i were also talking about that for a couple minutes today... and she said that we're probably going to work this out, and this time next year... we'll be great friends again... but i really don't care... whatever happens does... I'll just go with the flow...
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