what's going on with me... I just had probably the best day in a while... and then after I got home... I started thinking about the past... and then after I did that... I started thinking about how my life got how it got so messed up... I feel like I'm on the edge of a cliff... and that with 1 bad word, or 1 wrong move... I could be pushed off... or jump ... So... I'm sitting here... waiting for someone to talk to... and i'm trying to get my words out onto this post... but i just can't seem to... i can't seem to think what i'm feeling in straight words... Last night i cut... it was the first time in a long time... and after i was done... i felt better... then i felt dizzy... like i felt too good... but then... after i fell asleep... i had good dreams... dreams that i haven't had in a long time...
One Dream i was getting ready for my wedding... i had the perfect dress... the perfect wedding party... and the perfect groom... and then it came time for me to walk down the aisle with my father... he was actually there... This was in an alternate universe... and i was so happy... then... when i was walking to the altar... to see my new husband-to-be... he turned his face around... and he was smiling sooo much... seeing Jeff... it made me really happy...
when i woke up this morning i felt a little better...
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