Daddy

I'm furious with a man who died 8 1/2 years ago. I know that it sounds strange, but I am. he left me hanging in the dark... he said that we were going to make all of these plans, that we were going to do all of these things, and we never got to do anything because he decided to be selfish... I don't know why i'm feeling in such an October type of mood, but i am... I'm feeling abandoned right now, and completely helpless... I feel like i've let so many people down in one way or another by me being like I am... and i'm feeling like i fucked up with helping Kare sooo many times. I have looped completely from screaming in my car on the way home to feeling lost, scared, helpless, abandoned, useless, and a complete waste... I don't know what to do... because i want Kare to be able to do good on his English final tomorrow morning... so i'm not going to call him... i think that the easiest thing for me to do would be to just take a hot shower, and then go to bed... but I can't... i have to stay up until my dog comes in... which won't be till my mother comes home... sooo... i get to sit here and try and expel all of my bad thoughts and other things onto this blog post so that i don't do something stupid that i'd have to try and hide from Kare, and the cast...

I guess that the only thing that has kept me sane through this entire night is the fact that i've been at a theater/on a stage a lot of the night... so i've tried to keep myself busy... whether it be worrying about Kare, trying to keep him distracted, trying to keep myself busy...

I just don't know anymore... I'm sorry Kare... I Love You, but other than that... at this moment in time... i just don't know... I WILL see you in the morning, though... i can promise you that...