updating...

my back is killing me, but I'm doing better than I was with the whole "Jeff thing"... I haven't seen him on my radar at all since we had an epic falling out a few weeks ago. that's the last that I'm ever going to really say his name. I'm referring to him as "Evil One" these days...

Ethan is amazing. I Love Him. I really, truly do. I've never been sooo happy with anyone before him. He treats me good, looks after me, and his parents are nice too. I pick him up every morning before school, and we talk before school starts. We talk about just about everything. Everything about him makes me smile, and I want to be with him all the time. At night, we talk till either he has to go to bed, or I have to take a shower. We have a lot in common, even though we don't hang with the same friends all the time. We do a lot together, and it's so nice having him love me for me. It's amazing to not have to worry about what I do, because I know that he won't get upset as long as I tell him the truth.

I do tell him to the truth all the time now. I haven't even thought about lying to him since we had our little "fight/breakup" about a week ago. It destroyed me that I lied to him. It makes me soooo upset that i made him upset with my lying, but I've changed, I really have. Because I Love Ethan, and I want to be with him for as long as he'll have me. (Which I REALLY hope is close to Forever.)

I really have been bad at keeping writing. I have just tried to stay busy, but it's really hard to stay busy, sane, rested, and nice. All while keeping up with writing. I'm just sooo tired, and everyone really seems to be bothering me when I'm like this. Especially Matt. He's just... ugh, I don't really know how to act around him. I don't love him any more... but he's just bothering me still... I just really don't know what to do with myself these days, other than stay away from Matt, because it's just too weird. Idk what I'm going to do, but I know that things are going to get better because he is talking to me again.

I guess that that's it. I have an AMAZING boyfriend, whom I Love; I have been really busy, tired, and such; and I have Matt back as a friend, but it's just awkward. Ana and Mia have been helping me get through this more too. Ana in the day; and Mia in the afternoons and evenings. Being with Ethan also helps. Being with him helps me distract myself. Being with him makes me believe that I will be perfect, sooner or later.