I've been thinking a lot about my past relationships, and I really can't help thinking about how I've messed up all of my past ones. I'm terriffied that I'm going to really mess up the Great thing that I"ve got going with Jay. I trust him, and he calms me more than anyone that i know ever could... but thinking about messing it up... i start to panic attack... it's NOT good. my hands start to shake, my neck and jaw tenses, and my legs get sooo antsy, i don't know what to do...
I hate panic attacks... but I really don't know what to do other than "power through them". I can't put my life on stand-still every time I get one, because They sometimes last for hours... ... ... Breathe.... Just breathe... focus on the task at hand... try not to draw attention to myself... Breathe.... think about good things... don't get scared... change iPod to playlist for this...
Hld Your Breathe, Make a wish, count to three... kenny Loggins... relaxing... Mother Ocean... Jimmy Buffett... calming... Just put your head down and not freak out... just try and stay calm... try and relax. try and focus on the task of typing this blog out. Process things. why am I freaking? because once I start, it's soo hard to stop... what started it? THinking about messing it up with Jay. Why would i mess it up? Because i always seem to for one reason or another...
nope...
put head down...
breathe...
go sit in comfy chair...
try and stop shaking...
sleep.
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